Call Me Maybe: Presenting The JB Music Hotline

Added on by Jared Bartman.

Hello! Today I’m embarking on a new social media experiment for my music project; the Jared Bartman Music Hotline!

I've been wanting to do something to keep people engaged with my musical happenings while I'm holed up working on a record this year and not playing shows regularly. And here it is!

But let me explain.

I struggle with social media, especially when using it to promote my music project. How do I promote my artistic pursuits without sounding like an egomaniac? How do I express myself freely and not make people think I’m a liberal atheist nut?

Rather than answer these questions, I’ve often simply retreated to the less-populated Hinterlands of new social media platforms where I can be strange and crass to a small amount of friends with relative impunity. My go-to has been Instagram, until lots of people started catching on to that, and the Wild West feeling of the platform quickly dissipated.

I long for an intimate setting, where just my friends, music fans, various government agencies, and several multinational corporations can keep up with my life and musical happenings.

Like the Puritans, Mormons, and Bundys of the Great American Frontier, I long for open vistas and vast prairies where I can be myself, without feeling like I need to tone down my social media presence in order for everything I say to be equally palatable to every person I’ve ever met in my entire life (okay, maybe not every person I’ve ever met, but I am an Incredibly Popular Guy and have 1,528 F-Book friends as of this writing).

So anyway. Here’s the deal on the Hotline.

I created this phone number: 844-644-3952

Yes, I did in fact buy a vanity phone number that reads 844-OHHEYJB.

You, my friend and/or Loyal Fan, will call this number Every Day, and the call will (usually) go straight to voicemail. The voicemail greeting mini-podcast will be updated daily by yours truly. This will be somewhat brief and off-the-cuff greeting to ensure that I will actually do this on a daily basis.

In that greeting I may update you on what I’m doing at that moment (i.e. recording a Hit Record, holding a baby, exercising, etc).

I may preview newly recorded music.

I may regale you with a Live Performance.

I may ask you, my Loyal Fans, a question and ask you to respond via text or voicemail so that I can post the results on the following day.

I may read you a selection of poetry or world news.

I may subject you to "Boys 'Round Here" by Blake Shelton, a song I truly love to hate. 

You just never know, which is why you’ll want to take a minute or two out of every day to call the JB Hotline.

I like to think of it as a combination of a podcast that can only be access via phone, which is limited in size and scope ( à la Twitter) by the mp3 size I can upload to my voice greeting service.

And I truly encourage you to call literally at any hour of the day and even leave voice messages. I will listen to all, and may even respond. Tell me how much you love my music, or tell me what a douche you think I am! Either way I will be truly delighted that you took time out of your day to call the hotline.

The great thing about a hotline is in no way a barometer of popularity like F-Book and Twitter. There is no follower count. None of you will ever know how many people (if any) are actually calling the hotline.

And most importantly, I will delight in creating ridiculous hotline voice greetings regardless of whether anyone pays attention.

…Which, incidentally, coincides with my innate feelings on writing/recording my music.

In our modern screen-addicted climate, a phone hotline feels very “analog” and curiously fresh to me, though it is in truth about the oldest and most basic business tool ever invented.

So there you are. The JB MUSIC HOTLINE. Careless whispers and sweet, sweet nothings in your ear on the daily from your friend, Jared Bartman!

CALL TODAY. Operators are standing by.